I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
