i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
