I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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