She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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