So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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