I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
