I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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