i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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