i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
