Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
