I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
