I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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