so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
