Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
