dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
