Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this hospital has no fireball
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
