So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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