My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
