btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
