So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
