We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This show inspires me to have sex in space
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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