My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
