Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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