I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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