Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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