I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i need some magic done to my vagina
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
