Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
