don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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