I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
