Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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