I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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