his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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