I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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