remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
