Tell her she can't have a vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize