i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize