I didn't shave. On purpose
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
