I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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