Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
