Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
