brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
