remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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