I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
