if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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