I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
