I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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