no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
