Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
