i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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