i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
