so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
