She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
