Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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