Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
