I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
