i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
