im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
