thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
