it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
false alarm, still single
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
