the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
