I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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