if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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