You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
