wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
