the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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