Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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