I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
