Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
