hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
