well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
