Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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