it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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